I know that I haven't had much to say lately. That's not entirely true, my head is filled with things that I'd like to say. I just feel blocked when I'm trying to write it down. I feel emotionally bankrupt in a lot of ways. I don't spend every day sad or crying anymore, and that's good, but I do feel this enormous void. I also feel like I just can't express emotion anymore. Like I'm just putting up this wall and I'm having a hard time letting anyone in lately. I've tried to be really open about all of this, not to let it fester inside of me. It's not really festering now, it's just all being pushed back. Even with my husband, as wonderful as we are at communicating with each other, there's just so much inside and I can't talk about it, I don't know how to.

Maybe this is good, maybe it's just the way the healing process takes place. I don't know. It leaves me feeling a little bit lost and a little bit dead on the inside.