I wanted to share a poem with you. Perhaps it is a bit somber, a bit depressing, but it is a reflection of where I am right now. If I've learned nothing else through this process, I've learned that we must feel what we feel when we feel it, otherwise anger, fear, and bitterness will consume our lives.
Can anyone see me?
I wear a mask, it's true
please look beyond it
recognize my pain
it's the only thing I see
when I look at my own reflection
Can anyone hear me?
to you it is but a wimper
please listen more closely
hear my deep despair
it's the only thing I hear
when everything else is quiet
Can anyone touch me?
perhaps this wall is just too high
please reach a bit further
touch my inner affliction
it's the only thing I feel
when I am alone in the darkness
Can anyone help me?
I shut you out in fear and pain
please break through my defenses
help pull me from this desolation
it's the only thing I see
it's the only thing I hear
it's the only thing I feel
inside of myself
Lisa J.
July 14, 2006
I'm an American woman, living in the Netherlands with my Dutch husband. On April 12, 2006 our sweet baby boy was born sleeping in my 17th week of pregnancy. This is my journey.
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1 comment:
Lisa:
I never knew silence could be so deafening...do you feel that way too?
Sitting behind a wall of pain, the masquerade gets old after a while and you just seem to feel like I do...does anybody even notice?
Which is more helpless...being stuck behind the wall without help or being on the outside of the wall and wanting to help? I'm not sure because at times I feel like I play both roles.
I wish I could help you take the bricks down one by one. I'd squeeze your hand, sit in silence with you, cry with you, laugh with you, pray with you if I knew any of it would comfort your aching heart.
I send you peace, I lift you up to the Lord, may the tears of your heart be shed like water repelled by a duck's feather. May those worries just roll off of you and protect you underneath.
With love and care, JC
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