I'm regaining that sense of pride that I lost long ago. I came to this realization that I have not been taking my responsibilities very seriously for a long time now. Well, it's time to start being responsible to myself. I really do want to be a mother, and I want to be a mother SOON, but maybe taking a look at me and concentrating on ME for awhile isn't such a bad idea. Having children is an ENORMOUS responsibility and I would hate to think that I wouldn't take that responsibility as seriously as I should. As far as TTC.... I'm not doing anything to PREVENT it, but I also don't want to become totally obsessed about it just yet. I guess I'm using the wait and see approach. I have been charting and all of that, and I will continue to do so. Charting brings me more in touch with my own body and more aware of what is 'normal' for me.

I have started taking the responsibility of my own body/exercise/food intake seriously for the first time in my life really. No crash dieting going on here, I feel like it's just unhealthy and unreasonable. My first goal is to make myself stronger. I'm tired of feeling weak and un-energetic. I'm tired of being a couch potato. I've been doing SO well this week and I'm extremely proud of myself! I have SO much more energy! I'm actually starting to feel like ME again, and let me tell you, the loss of ME hasn't just been since losing Ricky. That's just been building and building for a very long time.

My optimism just keeps rising and that's definitely a nice thing to have again. Looking at life from the 'glass half empty' perspective really doesn't suit me and it's definitely how I've seen the world most of the time since losing Ricky. I'm enjoying this feeling of hope and rejuvenation. I don't have that EVERY day, yesterday for instance, I was just mad at the world/universe/God/my husband/myself. I guess it's alright to feel that way sometimes, otherwise the anger just builds up until I explode. Today is a new day, and today I don't feel that way anymore.