I have been feeling really frustrated lately because of my weight. Don't get me wrong, I think that I am a beautiful woman both inside and out. The outside, however, could use a little help. I was already overweight before my pregnancy and since losing Ricky I've REALLY been hitting the comfort food in a bad way. Well..... I'm SICK of it! I would really like to TTC again but feel like I need to make some positive changes in my lifestyle first. If I am ever pregnant again I really want to be more healthy so that I can give a future (I hope) baby the most healthy start possible.
I recently joined a site that promotes healthy lifestyle changes at http://www.sparkpeople.com So far I just LOVE it. Goals are set in baby steps and don't feel overwhelming to me. It's helping me a lot, not only with weight-control, but also with day to day life. It feels good to be setting goals again. It makes me feel like I'm in control of SOMETHING in my life when everything else has just been feeling so out of control.
I really hit a bit of a low-point at the end of last week, but since then things have defiantly been looking up. Oh... I'm still grieving, but there are beginning to be more good moments than bad moments. The bad moments are still REALLY bad, and really difficult, and really painful, but those times have turned into moments of the day and not entire days anymore. I've actually gone a full 24 hours and sometimes more without crying.
My heart is filled with so much love and so much bittersweet joy when I think about my darling boy. Having 17 weeks with him, feeling that love that exists only between a mother and her child, it is a blessing and a gift. Oh I miss him. I really do. I wish that he could be physically here with me for a lifetime, and not just 17 weeks. It's just not the way it is though. I've accepted that and I'm dealing with that. The time that I DID have with him.... those 17 weeks... every second of that time is precious to me and I'm so glad that I had the honor of providing a warm and loving environment for him during his short time here on earth.
I'm an American woman, living in the Netherlands with my Dutch husband. On April 12, 2006 our sweet baby boy was born sleeping in my 17th week of pregnancy. This is my journey.
.jpg){kind=small}
1 comment:
Lisa,
Yes, you are a beautiful woman. I am beginning to realize that no matter our weight, if we don't feel good about it, it does affect us. I mean, even some tiny little person that feels overweight but to me looks perfect, still copes with the same self-esteem and issues that I do being obese. Weight issues are no fun to deal with. I wish I had more willpower. It's my biggest fault in life.
I am so glad life is starting to look up. Though your life will never be the same due to the birth and death of your son, it can still be wonderful. In these past few months you have become a new person and one that has even more goodness to share than the previous Lisa I knew. I admire you and I feel blessed to have someone with such wonderful insight to share in my life. Thansk for being you.
Hugs, Tera
Post a Comment