Ok, I'm going to let you all in on a little secret about me. I really really LOVE hard rock/heavy metal music. I don't look like it so much on the outside, but on the inside there is part of me who is tattooed and likes to wear black t-shirts that say OZZY RULES. I'm actually a fan of just about every kind of music ever written, but sometimes there is just nothing better than that sound of electric guitars going crazy and that heavy beat that just permeates through your whole body. So Erik and I went out for a drive to get some Greek food tonight, and AC/DC's Thunderstruck was playing on the stereo. I cranked it up about as loud as it could get. I felt SO FREE!! For the first time in three weeks..... FREEDOM, like a bird soaring through the air. I forgot what that felt like, to displace my grief, even if only temporarily, just felt really good.

Overall it hasn't been a bad day today. I find that confronting myself with my grief is actually helping. Like today, for instance, I looked at the pictures of Ricky and I looked through the baby book that I had started for him. It HURTS to do that, but it also hurts not to. I've decided that it's the only way I can deal with it all. I have to confront myself with it sometimes, and hide from it at other times. I feel like, as soon as I can find the balance between those two that things will really start to get better.