I miss him. *sigh*

Erik and I were just outside looking at the very beautiful night sky. He said, "There's so much I could have taught Ricky about the stars." I started thinking.... it's every parent's dream that their children will know more than they know and be better people than they are, right? Well, I guess that's one dream that I had for him that has happened. He doesn't have the limitations of this earth holding him back. My sweet baby angel, oh how I miss him.

There was a memorial service tonight at the care facility where my mother in law spent her last few days. The service was for all of those residents who had passed on in the first three months of the year. There was a ceremony in which the pastor called the name of the departed and a family member stepped to the front and took a rose with their name on it and put it in a vase. The service wasn't really all that emotional, I mean, most of the deaths were older people who passed on weeks and months ago. I guess we just tend to 'move on' from those deaths a bit easier, when people lived long lives. Anyway, there was a point during the rose ceremony where the pastor called the name of a woman, and an old man stood up to walk forward to collect the rose. I'm in tears just writing about it now. He stood up and he was just frozen, with tears running down his face. Someone else stood up with him and had to help him up to the front. My parents were there too, and of course they were just sitting there not understanding a word (as it was all in dutch,) but when that man stood there, with his sorrow and grief on his face we were all in tears. I guess there are some things that transcends all languages and grief is one of those things.

I do miss him. I feel like I'm missing out on so much. I just wish I could understand everything. I just wish I could see some purpose in it all.