So yesterday didn't end up being a fabulous day, but it did end up being an ok day. I guess my definition of a 'good day' or 'bad day' have dramatically changed in the last two and a half weeks.

My hubby did come home early, that was nice, and we did go out shopping and to out to dinner, that was the not so nice. The shopping just felt empty, and there were WAAAAAAAAAAAAY too many pregnant women walking around (as always seems to be the case.) Sometimes I think that I am pushing myself too hard to try and be back out in the world, but I guess if I just lock myself in my house and don't go out that it will do me no good at all. I HAVE to go out sometimes and if I don't subject myself to all of those pregnant women out there NOW then it will be 3 months from now, or 6 months from now, and I think it would be just as painful. I may as well start dealing with that part sooner rather than later.

Going out to dinner was quite nice though. We went early and we were pretty much the only people there. Once I almost burst into tears, but Erik grabbed my hand and squeezed it and distracted me with a different conversation.

So far, today is alright. I think I'll just stay home today and not bother with the world outside. As important as I think it is to try and go out sometimes, I also think it's important to just be here with myself sometimes. Those days that I stay here alone don't always turn out to be the best of days, but they do turn out to be the days when I feel like I'm able to release some of this grief.

Tomorrow is my appt. with my OB. I get my test results back.... I recieve the pictures that they took of my son. I'm scared and nervous and in one way I just want to run and hide. I'm so AFRAID of the truth, whatever that might be. I'm more afraid that there will be NO answers though and feel like if I have some answers then maybe, just maybe it might help.