I've written here so many times recently and, after re-reading, decided not to post.
I'm just... I don't know... I DON'T KNOW! The anger and sadness is ripping me apart. I'm starting to feel bi-polar or something. Extreme highs and extreme lows, and everything in the middle.
I just MISS him. My heart breaks every day and I just want my sweet baby here with me.
I was doing so well. I'd found hope and peace again. I was living again. I don't know when or why or how it happened, but in the last few days all of that has just blown away. How do I find it again??
I'm an American woman, living in the Netherlands with my Dutch husband. On April 12, 2006 our sweet baby boy was born sleeping in my 17th week of pregnancy. This is my journey.
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2 comments:
Lisa:
I am uncertain as to the pathway you are walking right now as I have never been on it before. I see the twists and turns, the deadends that you are feeling you face. But then when I step back from the scene of such a narrow path, the pretzel like twists to it that you face all I can see is God carrying you straight down the middle to the other side of pure peace. The words echo in my head "let go and let God"...something I have to tell my self so often I have begun to think it might be my middle name. I lift you up to the Lord for Him to carry you, to lay down one set of footprints per se to remind us that if He can carry the cross, then we aren't too heavy for Him to carry us now. I send you the grace to allow Him to carry you, to remove the temptation of "getting down" out of His arms and trying to find your own way and the courage to face the eternal beauty that He has waiting at the end of the pathway.
With love and peace to you, JC
Lisa,
You are not alone, so many of us have had similar situations with the immensely sad and down feelings after a mc. Please remember you are normal and the healing will come when you are ready. I am so sorry that the feelings are so intense now for you. I too am a spiritual person but also believe that others can help us in our times of trial...Keep writing, keep talking with your friends and also consider a professional that can help make the healing become a reality sooner. They say that we are most at risk for depression within the first six months after a mc compared to any time in our lives. I hope you can find calm and eventually happiness again.
We are here for you no matter what feelings you have to express and many of us do understand the feelings you have. We will never judge you and will always have your best interest in mind. We pray for you and your family.
I have finally decided in my life that often there are no reasons for things happening...BAD stuff just happens sometimes. It took a long time to get here but it has made life easier for me to accept the things that are thrown at me...I know it seems so callous and easy...but it is not and may never be something that helps you...
Hugs to you and your friends and we are here to help you on your journey.
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