There's nothing like a roadtrip to de-stress and put things in a different perspective. As I'm sure you all could tell from my recent blog entries, I've been in a bit of a funk lately. I felt like I was on a downward spiral into depression and didn't know how to work my way back up again.
On Friday evening there was a story on the news about a seal rescue in Pieterburen here in the Netherlands. Erik said, "HEY!! Let's go there tomorrow!" So yesterday morning we made an MP3 disk of traveling music, loaded the piggies cage with food and water, and left on a three hour trip to the northern part of the country.
I had some sad times along the way. I kept thinking about how on our last road trip (a BIG one then, a week long drive from West Virginia to Texas and back again) our little Ricky was conceived. It was sad to think about, but beautiful to think about too. Another sad moment was when a song came on called "Afscheid" (Goodbye) I couldn't figure out how to get it to go away and I was waving my arms around trying to get Erik to turn it off. He just looked at me like I was crazy for a second, and then figured out what I wanted. Then it was also a little bit sad when we were at the seal rescue because I kept thinking about how nice it would be to take Ricky there.
As sad as some moments were I WAS HAPPY! I mean, we had a really good time together. After we left the seal rescue we just drove along the coast line for a few hours. We stopped at the sea and soaked in the beauty of it all. We drove through beautiful farming villages and enjoyed the flowery fields.
It was a beautiful day, and I felt like Ricky was everywhere I looked. He was there in all of nature. In the beauty of the sea, in those beautiful seals that were in need of help, in the hundreds of tiny little lambs that we saw along the way. In all of the beautiful things that God has given us, I saw the face of my son. Not the face of his pain and my pain, that I sometimes can't see through, but the face of beauty and happiness. The face of the child who came to this earth for a purpose and left when he fulfilled that purpose. I don't understand it all yet, it's hard to see what the 'good' could be in this all, but I do firmly believe that my son's presence on this earth has changed it forever.
I'm an American woman, living in the Netherlands with my Dutch husband. On April 12, 2006 our sweet baby boy was born sleeping in my 17th week of pregnancy. This is my journey.
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3 comments:
Oh Lisa, it sounds like such a passionate day. I'm so glad you and Erik had the nice time together and the chance to see your son in all the beauty of the world. I am so glad you were able to be HAPPY! I hope that even as the sad and down moments press in upon you, you'll be able to relive your wonder and let that happiness again seep in. You deserve to be happy. That's my wish for you today.
Lisa:
It's JC again and I just wanted to send you another message to let you know that I am still thinking of you. I know it may seem strange that someone who does not know you has concern. I hope I bring comfort and not uneasiness. I assure you that your story has greatly moved me. Your faith is so strong and I appreciate your sense of motherhood. Something that I wanted to tell you for encouragement is that I can identify with your ability to see your son in God's beauty. It is not uncommon for me to be anywhere...church, the store, the park, driving down the road even and just start crying because I love my son so much. Everything reminds me of him, everything seems to be him, and everything represents him. I assure you that the emotions you have are very true to motherhood. Lisa, please know you are a mother in the true meaning of that word. May God put peace in your heart and a song for Ricky on your lips.
Sincerely, JC
JC- I hope you read this.
I just wanted to say that your words have brought great comfort to me. I appreciate and look forward to your comments.
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