I would have been 20 weeks today. 20 weeks... halfway through.
Sometimes I feel like I'm just fooling myself when I say that everything's ok. Well, it's 4am, I haven't slept and everytime I try to close my eyes and sleep I only see pictures of my baby in my head. I feel like I'm hanging by a thread here. I just don't know how to do this anymore. How will anything EVER be ok again when I have this big hole in my heart. I feel sad and angry and guilty and I just have NO IDEA how I'm supposed to deal with this, how I'm supposed to ever move on from this.
I just want my baby. I just want to hold him and love him and feed him. I want to teach him and nurture him and guide him and hope that he becomes a GOOD man, like his father.
Please, someone tell me, how do I take this pain away???
I'm an American woman, living in the Netherlands with my Dutch husband. On April 12, 2006 our sweet baby boy was born sleeping in my 17th week of pregnancy. This is my journey.
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1 comment:
I can't take away your pain as much as I wish I could, but I can hold you in a tight embrace and let you soak my shoulders with your tears and listen to you scream and share in your sorrow. If there is ANYTHING I can do, I hope you find the strength to ask. I'm here for you. And I care.
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