All day today I've been going slowly up the hill. I've been able to keep my emotions in check for the most part and I've actually accomplished SOMETHING today, even if it's only a little bit. Well, in the last hour, since my last post actually, things have been going quickly downhill again. This is what I want to know. WILL I ever be a mother with a child here to hold and love??? I really wish that I could KNOW that answer. I've wanted to be a mother my ENTIRE life. I just wish I could look into the future and see the answer. If the answer is NO then I'd like to know it now and start dealing with it now so that I can start letting go of those hopes and dreams instead of spending my life heartbroken because all of the attempts of having a child fail.

I don't know if any of this makes any sense, I guess I just needed to vent.