This morning was difficult. I don't know, I get this feeling that every Wednesday morning in the immediate future will be difficult. I cried a lot today, but it felt more cleansing and renewing this time somehow. I've found that lately the shower is just the best place to be, I can stay there forever. It just feels good when I can't tell the difference between the tears on my face and the water from the shower.

The evening has been much better. When Erik's home it's always better and safer and more comfy feeling here. He just always knows the right things to say and do.

I'm OK. That's my new mantra.... I'm OK. I think it might even be true. Oh, don't get me wrong, I MISS HIM! I can't help but think about what he would have been like. Would he have had Erik's smile? Curly hair like both of us? What kind of personality would he have had, and what kind of person would he have grown up to become?

I'm nervous about my OB appt. next week. So afraid that they're going to say that something is wrong with me and I'll never be able to carry a child full term. My dr. already told me that the chances of that are very small, but I still worry about what all of the test results will say. I mean, at the moment I'm not exactly ready to try and conceive again, but it's nice that there is still the option in the future. At the moment the only child I want is Ricky.