I'm just having a bad day. I got a package of 'baby stuff' that I ordered a few weeks ago, I got a free baby magazine, and I got a big advertisment that everything for baby is 25% off this week. *SIGH* The constant reminders are so painful, and still I can't bear to pack away the few baby things that I have still sitting in my living room.

I would have been a good mother. Maybe I'll still have that chance one day, I don't know, but I would have been a good mother to Ricky. If I'd been given a choice between my life and his, I would have chosen his because I already loved him in a way that I didn't know that I could love.

I thought at this point, two weeks later, that things would maybe start to get a bit easier, but instead things are only harder. Even writing here feels a bit like a chore at the moment, but I know I can't just let it all build up inside, and so far writing is one of the best releases that I've found.... so I'll keep on writing at least until I can get through one day without that constant feeling of tears right behind my eyes just waiting for their chance.